Strength to be weak!

Most people that know me, know that i have this crazy obsession with Strength. It may just be my viking background or it could be the way i was raised. Mostly i think its from the way i was raised. Coming from a small town in middle-of-nowhere southwestern saskatchewan and being the second youngest of a family of 7, i guess its no suprise that i was raised differently than most people these days. My parents are amazing, thought i probably don't give them as much credit as i should. I was born and raised on a farm watching my Dad work from dawn till dusk almost all the time. I can still remember him telling me when i was growing up (whether it be playing hockey, doing chores or school work) "if your going to do something, you should do it to the best of your ability". This all has compacted into giving me the mindset of doing EVERYthing as well as i possibly can. This will all tie into what im going to say later.

What strength means to the mind of Karl-
(i'll try to explain why i think these)

1:Do all things to the best of my ability : As i mentioned before, this little tidbit has been drilled into my head by my parents. As much as i don't like it sometimes, I know that they were right. I can't even let my self get away with doing a job half heartedly.

2:Do whats right : Now this little tidbit is the hardest part for me. Especially when it comes to wanting to do something that i shouldn't. For example, Admitting I am wrong is TERRIBLY hard for me to do when its about something i care about. On the one hand i want to be strong(stubborn) and prove that I am right(even though i know im not) and then I have on the otherside, my better half telling me that i should just admit that im wrong(which i see as weakness, dont ask my why, i don't even understand)

3:Individuality : I think that doing work by yourself is a sign of strength. Doing on your own willpower that is, and seeing people weasle out of work by trying to sucker other people into doing it for them is one of the weakest things i think a person can do.

4: Protecting : This is a thing that is deeply engrained in me, and i dont really know why. I love the idea of protecting someone. I will root for the underdog in almost any situation.

5: Chivalry : Chivalry is a HUGE deal to me. It sort of goes along with the whole protection thing. Don't get me wrong, I think woman are just as capable in most situation as guys are... except when it comes to the physical aspect(heavy labour, protecting themselves) Since i was little, my mom has taught me to ALWAYS hold the door for a lady. And as i've grown older i've gotten more and more aware of how chivalry is dying around us. And i see this as a sort of attack on women. There is not a whole lot i can do about this, other then to "protect" the women i know and come in contact, with simple respect and admiration.

STRENGTH

My single greatest attribute... yet single greatest downfall.

My view of individuality has been one of the best and worst things for me. On one hand it has created in me a work ethic from which i know for certain i got from my parents, and on the other hand it has made me stubborn and unwilling to let people help me in situations where i personally need help(which i think i also got from my parents). Because of strength, i view outside help for my own personal problems as a sign of weakness. This i cannot stand at all. It has caused me great pain in my life because i have not been able to open up and recieve help from people.

I think all of it started from when i was in elementary school. I wasn't the most popular kid you could say. You know when parents tell you to just ignore some one if there pestering you and they will just go away? This is one of THE worst things you could tell a child. I took this to heart. If anything ever bothered me or hurt me, i would just say "meh, not a big deal" and would ignore it. This got easier and easier as time went on, it eventually got to the point where a family member would die in my family and all i could say was "meh, not a big deal". Everything in my life wasn't a big deal. It could be a little thing i didn't like... it could be a BIG thing that really bothered me, it didnt really matter, it wasnt a big deal.

I am strong.

I am not weak.

I have the ability to deal with problems on your own.

I am strong.

I have the ability to stuff my problems down deep so they don't show on the surface.

I am strong

I have the ability to not need people in my life to help me through things.

I am stong

Strong

Strong

Strong

I have the ability to stand alone..... and not care.

God make me weak.




(sorry, i can't write anymore right now)