Choice

This demon grows withing me.
Ever stronger it becomes.
Ever harder to resist its subtle whispers.
More and more persistent in its utterances.

It follows me to the ends of the earth.
It haunts my dreams.
Attacks at my weakest moments.
Lays bare the real me.

I despise this thing.
I love it more than anything.
I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns.
Yet i hold it close so that i might be burnt.

I wish nothing more than to be free.
Yet i love my captor.
Begging for more.
I cry at what i receive.

There is one exit.
The place i yearn for in the deepest recesses of my being.
I fear the freedom.
I recognize myself in a cracked mirror.

The road is spread out before me.
Both directions end in DEATH.
I know the way i should die.
I must die.

Death is the only life.
Choose my death?

I have made my choice.

Jesus

I have been born again.

Explosive Happiness

This QOTW has to do with one of my previous posts.

Can we experience true joy through things that aren't God honoring? and if so, what is an example?

Conforming to Cold?

You know it happens, but you only realize it every so often. It's sneaky, its sly, it happens so slowly that you don't know it happened till after its done. We all conform, we all adapt, we all take on traits of the stronger things around us. It may just be getting use to the cold weather outside, it may be picking up on a little thing that saying that the popular kid says all the time. Or it may be picking up on the other not so good language of the people around you.

We slowly become the things we are immersed in. Working at camp all summer was great, i was continually around people who had relationships with God, who talked and lived for God. It makes it that much easier for me to follow suit. Then again, i move away, i am no longer surrounded by that kind of environment. I slowly lose touch with what i couldn't help but participate in before.

It's like being use to the cold of winter, but spring comes around... the cold is no longer there. So you become accustomed to the heat. It's like a best friend who moves away... then slowly become less of a best friend and more of a stranger.What happened to being use to the cold? What happened to that relationship you worked so hard to have? Why do we totally forget about things that we don't come in contact with repeatedly? Why do we drift away from the things that meant so much to us just because its not there for a little while?

We are a people of quick fixes.

Sunset reflection in the oil spill

You know the feeling,

You may be doing something little, you may be doing nothing at all. It could be the sights, sounds or smells around you. But for some reason, whatever it may be, that something makes you extremely happy. And i'm not talking about just a little smile and chuckle. I mean the "can barely contain your laughter-going to smile so hard you rip your face in half" kind of happy. The kind of happy that makes you want to scream or dance or run.

For me, this experience happens very little... but when it does, it's just that much sweeter.

The thing that causes this for me is music. Something about crazy bass, heavy guitar and even heavier screaming just makes my skin tingle.

Being outside does this sometimes too (although to a lesser degree). Saskatchewan sunsets just blow me away, along with the massively beautiful mountains of the Rockies or the sun sparkling off the early morning frost(you know, the frost that completely covers a tree making it look like it was sprayed with glue and than dunked in glitter.

I love it, I wish i could experience it more.

But i was thinking earlier. Is this joy always from God? If the music i'm listening to isn't honoring to God... is the feeling from God?

I can just imagine seeing Jesus for the first time, and for some reason i think he is going to sing instead of talk.

I always heard that God is part of everything, that he is everywhere. Music is how i see God's beauty the clearest.

Music floats my boat!