Choice

This demon grows withing me.
Ever stronger it becomes.
Ever harder to resist its subtle whispers.
More and more persistent in its utterances.

It follows me to the ends of the earth.
It haunts my dreams.
Attacks at my weakest moments.
Lays bare the real me.

I despise this thing.
I love it more than anything.
I hate it with the heat of a thousand suns.
Yet i hold it close so that i might be burnt.

I wish nothing more than to be free.
Yet i love my captor.
Begging for more.
I cry at what i receive.

There is one exit.
The place i yearn for in the deepest recesses of my being.
I fear the freedom.
I recognize myself in a cracked mirror.

The road is spread out before me.
Both directions end in DEATH.
I know the way i should die.
I must die.

Death is the only life.
Choose my death?

I have made my choice.

Jesus

I have been born again.

Explosive Happiness

This QOTW has to do with one of my previous posts.

Can we experience true joy through things that aren't God honoring? and if so, what is an example?

Conforming to Cold?

You know it happens, but you only realize it every so often. It's sneaky, its sly, it happens so slowly that you don't know it happened till after its done. We all conform, we all adapt, we all take on traits of the stronger things around us. It may just be getting use to the cold weather outside, it may be picking up on a little thing that saying that the popular kid says all the time. Or it may be picking up on the other not so good language of the people around you.

We slowly become the things we are immersed in. Working at camp all summer was great, i was continually around people who had relationships with God, who talked and lived for God. It makes it that much easier for me to follow suit. Then again, i move away, i am no longer surrounded by that kind of environment. I slowly lose touch with what i couldn't help but participate in before.

It's like being use to the cold of winter, but spring comes around... the cold is no longer there. So you become accustomed to the heat. It's like a best friend who moves away... then slowly become less of a best friend and more of a stranger.What happened to being use to the cold? What happened to that relationship you worked so hard to have? Why do we totally forget about things that we don't come in contact with repeatedly? Why do we drift away from the things that meant so much to us just because its not there for a little while?

We are a people of quick fixes.

Sunset reflection in the oil spill

You know the feeling,

You may be doing something little, you may be doing nothing at all. It could be the sights, sounds or smells around you. But for some reason, whatever it may be, that something makes you extremely happy. And i'm not talking about just a little smile and chuckle. I mean the "can barely contain your laughter-going to smile so hard you rip your face in half" kind of happy. The kind of happy that makes you want to scream or dance or run.

For me, this experience happens very little... but when it does, it's just that much sweeter.

The thing that causes this for me is music. Something about crazy bass, heavy guitar and even heavier screaming just makes my skin tingle.

Being outside does this sometimes too (although to a lesser degree). Saskatchewan sunsets just blow me away, along with the massively beautiful mountains of the Rockies or the sun sparkling off the early morning frost(you know, the frost that completely covers a tree making it look like it was sprayed with glue and than dunked in glitter.

I love it, I wish i could experience it more.

But i was thinking earlier. Is this joy always from God? If the music i'm listening to isn't honoring to God... is the feeling from God?

I can just imagine seeing Jesus for the first time, and for some reason i think he is going to sing instead of talk.

I always heard that God is part of everything, that he is everywhere. Music is how i see God's beauty the clearest.

Music floats my boat!

Attractive Currency

So im going to be gone this weekend. Even so, here's the question of the week. Ask a Dad, brother, guy friend near you.

How do you, as a husband/brother/friend, think women are viewed in todays sexually twisted society? and what are some ways that we can show respect to the woman around us?

Would love to hear what you guys think.

Building Backwards?

Now this next question is a bit of a mouthful so just bear with me. Its a multi-question...uhh question.

How does the older generation(parents age) view the younger generation(my age)? And what are your hopes/fears in how we are so much different in our views/goals/lifestyle? What do you think we value and how is that changing our society?

Forgiveness VS Stubborness

So Shaina and I started this thing, where we pose a question for the weekend. And over the weekend, we ask various people who we come in contact with, the QOTW (question of the week). Now if its at all possible, and with your permission, i would like to hear your responses. I shall post the question over the weekend after the commitee (shaina and I) have come up with a suitable question. And i would like to hear your response(use the blog as a sort of forum for debate or opinions)

Last weekend we asked the question,

"Why is it so hard for us to accept Forgiveness/Salvation?"

The most common answer we came up with was Pride. The idea that, we think it is something that we need to earn and not just recieve, or that we are just too plain stubborn to give up control or our lives.

The best way that i heard it described, is that it is a free gift that costs us absolutely everything. Lets be honest, I like being in control of my life. I don't really have the slightest clue as to what is good for me... but i like being able to choose. Who knew freewill would be such a pain.

We know what we need, but we also know what we want, and they all to often turn out to be two totally different things. So our pride gets in the way when we think that we know better than God does when it comes to what we need.

I know from personal experiece, that it's something i dont think i deserve. I can't comprehend that no matter what I do, no matter how many times I do it, i'm still no further away from being forgiven than i was before.

And i don't understand that, I see it through human eyes and mindset. I think that "oh, well i did it again, God must really be getting annoyed with this constant yo-yoing of my spiritual faith". But He's not.

These are just a few things that Shaina and I came up with. If you have anything you would like to add, it would be more than welcome.

Strength to be weak: Part 2

Ok, now my last post ended off rather depressing like. And I must add that that is not where I am right now. That is where i was at the start of this summer. How did this all change you might ask?

Prayer

Plain and simple prayer.
I asked and I recieved.
I knocked and He answered.

It is rather wierd how God answered these prayers too. It started during the second (Jr. Teen) week of camp.For those who were their this summer, you know what was happening. For those who weren't there, it consisted of many many hyper children, a case of a run away child and a strangling.

Now i was the maintenance guy, so I had no real authority or responsibilty when it came to most of the kids. But for some reason it was still a very draining week for myself and even more so for the rest of the Leadership staff.

Now one of my jobs as maintenance was to clean the dining hall every night. And for some reason, God chose this specific wednesday night to crush me. I was all of a sudden so overwhelmed that i had to leave. It didn't matter where, i just had to be alone for a bit. So i soon found myself behind the dining hall, midnight, moon and stars shining... and i cried.

And it was good.

For the first time in i don't know how many years... i cried.

I was exausted from work, worn out from kids and beaten down by God.

And it was good.

I use to shut out my feelings, pretend that nothing was wrong. But God took that all away. I was just happy to be free from not caring and poured myself out to God about being sick of kids that had only been around for 4 days.

It was amazing.

Now i can't say that all things are peachy, but they are better... a lot better. All i can say is "careful what you pray for" cause God will most likely sneak in the back door, and when you least expect it.... hit you in the face with a bag full of Care.

Praise God

Strength to be weak!

Most people that know me, know that i have this crazy obsession with Strength. It may just be my viking background or it could be the way i was raised. Mostly i think its from the way i was raised. Coming from a small town in middle-of-nowhere southwestern saskatchewan and being the second youngest of a family of 7, i guess its no suprise that i was raised differently than most people these days. My parents are amazing, thought i probably don't give them as much credit as i should. I was born and raised on a farm watching my Dad work from dawn till dusk almost all the time. I can still remember him telling me when i was growing up (whether it be playing hockey, doing chores or school work) "if your going to do something, you should do it to the best of your ability". This all has compacted into giving me the mindset of doing EVERYthing as well as i possibly can. This will all tie into what im going to say later.

What strength means to the mind of Karl-
(i'll try to explain why i think these)

1:Do all things to the best of my ability : As i mentioned before, this little tidbit has been drilled into my head by my parents. As much as i don't like it sometimes, I know that they were right. I can't even let my self get away with doing a job half heartedly.

2:Do whats right : Now this little tidbit is the hardest part for me. Especially when it comes to wanting to do something that i shouldn't. For example, Admitting I am wrong is TERRIBLY hard for me to do when its about something i care about. On the one hand i want to be strong(stubborn) and prove that I am right(even though i know im not) and then I have on the otherside, my better half telling me that i should just admit that im wrong(which i see as weakness, dont ask my why, i don't even understand)

3:Individuality : I think that doing work by yourself is a sign of strength. Doing on your own willpower that is, and seeing people weasle out of work by trying to sucker other people into doing it for them is one of the weakest things i think a person can do.

4: Protecting : This is a thing that is deeply engrained in me, and i dont really know why. I love the idea of protecting someone. I will root for the underdog in almost any situation.

5: Chivalry : Chivalry is a HUGE deal to me. It sort of goes along with the whole protection thing. Don't get me wrong, I think woman are just as capable in most situation as guys are... except when it comes to the physical aspect(heavy labour, protecting themselves) Since i was little, my mom has taught me to ALWAYS hold the door for a lady. And as i've grown older i've gotten more and more aware of how chivalry is dying around us. And i see this as a sort of attack on women. There is not a whole lot i can do about this, other then to "protect" the women i know and come in contact, with simple respect and admiration.

STRENGTH

My single greatest attribute... yet single greatest downfall.

My view of individuality has been one of the best and worst things for me. On one hand it has created in me a work ethic from which i know for certain i got from my parents, and on the other hand it has made me stubborn and unwilling to let people help me in situations where i personally need help(which i think i also got from my parents). Because of strength, i view outside help for my own personal problems as a sign of weakness. This i cannot stand at all. It has caused me great pain in my life because i have not been able to open up and recieve help from people.

I think all of it started from when i was in elementary school. I wasn't the most popular kid you could say. You know when parents tell you to just ignore some one if there pestering you and they will just go away? This is one of THE worst things you could tell a child. I took this to heart. If anything ever bothered me or hurt me, i would just say "meh, not a big deal" and would ignore it. This got easier and easier as time went on, it eventually got to the point where a family member would die in my family and all i could say was "meh, not a big deal". Everything in my life wasn't a big deal. It could be a little thing i didn't like... it could be a BIG thing that really bothered me, it didnt really matter, it wasnt a big deal.

I am strong.

I am not weak.

I have the ability to deal with problems on your own.

I am strong.

I have the ability to stuff my problems down deep so they don't show on the surface.

I am strong

I have the ability to not need people in my life to help me through things.

I am stong

Strong

Strong

Strong

I have the ability to stand alone..... and not care.

God make me weak.




(sorry, i can't write anymore right now)

Law of Nature

So, I like to read. That may suprise a fair number of you, but i cannot go to sleep at night unless i read atleast for half an hour. I have been slowly running out of things to occupy my "getting tired for bed" stage, so i decided to go to Chapters one evening. While there, I looked for books by many of my favorite authors, to my dismay, Chapters doesn't hold many of there books(atleast not the ones i wanted to buy). I still wandered around and soon found myself by the Religious/Christian shelf, where upon i found many many books by the wonderful author known as C.S. Lewis.

At this point in time i started to wonder, "do i really need anymore books? can i really afford it at this moment in my life?" Part of me(my brain) wanted something new to read, where as the other part(ummm.. other part of brain) told me to use my better judgement(some hidden part of the brain that no one has yet to find) and not buy any books. Moments later i walked out with 4 new books(The Four Loves, The Great Divorce, The Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity).

I am currently reading "Mere Christianity". And im finding it rather interesting that the very first words that he says are not Jesus, God, or any other word/description of the Overlord that a majority of non-christians view our savior as. Instead he goes on to explain the "Law of Nature".

Now don't get the wrong idea here, Mr. Lewis is not talking about actual Nature. As in trees and plants and small funal spores that are so tiny you cannot see them yet are powerful enough to bring down a full grown bull elephant. What Mr. Lewis is talking about is that no matter how old or young a person is, no matter what his upbringing was, no matter where they were from, all humans have atleast some sort of sense of right and wrong. He goes on to say that even though, deep down inside, all people have this knowledge of right and wrong.... we(christian and non-christian) most of the time chose the wrong.

It could be little things. It could be BIG things. In the end it doesn't really matter, it all goes to show that we as human beings are evil to the core. Mr. Lewis is only telling us what we already know.... that we are full of sin.

I think this is a most interesting thing that he does. He doesn't try to prove that God exists right off the bat. He proves that no one is perfect, and that each and every one of us is dirty to the core. So far i have only read the first 2 chapters, but writing all of this jibber jabber is for some reason making understanding the book that much easier. And I am quite excited to get to the part of hope and love.

Humans = Sin

Good day to you all.

Hrmm!

Well, I suppose to all of you who might read this (perhaps 1 or two..... if that) this might seem a little strange. Karl Anderson is writing a Blog. This is going down in the history books. Right beside the entry of where I made my very first ACTUAL meal. Don't bother asking what that meal was since im sure that if you are reading this, chances are i've already told you over the phone/email/msn.

Anyways, I thought I would give this neck of the woods a look-see and figure out what its all about. This post isn't for your benefit, its mostly to see if I am actually figuring out how to working this dang thing.